Long week.

It was a loooong week. I finally have a day off. I told my schedulers to just give me two patients. This way work is only 10-12 hours long. I had a chance to talk to one of the veteran dialysis nurse yesterday. He taught me short cuts that will shave major time from my setup and teardown of the machines. I use 2 machines at work. One is a reverse osmosis machine that purifies water. 90% of the water is wasted and the rest is used for dialysis. The second machine is the delivery system. This is the machine that does the dialysis on the patient. Since they are machines, they breakdown. I learn tricks to bypass the stupid breakdowns and keep the dialysis moving along without compromising patient safety.

I went a friend's halloween party last night after working 12 hours. I was surprised I made it up till 10:30 pm. If I was working ICU I wouldn't make it. Working in the ICU is much more intense than dialysis.

Bad news, one former employee is suing our company in the San Diego area. It may be good or bad, time will tell. My company is behind paying us for mileage. Some nurses are cheating by turning in mileage when they are not even working. SO, now they are checking each day and it takes a lot of man powertime to do this.

I'm finally receiving feedback from the applications I dropped 3 weeks ago. I interviewed at UC Irvine Medical Center and it looked promising. They are still interveiwing so have to wait a couple of weeks to see if I get picked. The Sheriff Dept Medical Division also sent me their interest. I need to take the medications calculations test then the civil service test. This process will take awhile. According to my friend, 6 months and $6,000 in background check expenses for the county of LA.

I have to finish cleaning the pool filter. It rained last week and the pool is green. Yuck, time to rejuvenate my pool again. A dirty pool will bring bad luck.

Short work day.

It seems like an impossibility but today is a short day. Thank heavens as I really don't feel like working. One of the patient was cancelled. She had dialysis yesterday and the doctor was anticipating she needs another one today but eveything looks good labs (medical slang for laboratory work) wise.

My boss called me asking how I am doing as I called in sick yesterday. She also wants to verify that I am picking up an extra day for a co-worker. I keep thinking about leaving this company I work for because of low pay and the stupid things I have to deal with. The always good part is the way my coworkers treat each other like human beings.

I don't miss the rude and crude way nurses treat each other in the hospital settings. I don't know if it's a Filipino thing but most Filipina/Filipino nursing boss I had are just plain unprofessional. They talk down to us nurses (doesn't matter what race we are). One even puts words in my mouth and predicts what I'm going to do next. She's the stupidest and funniest Filipina manager I had. STUPID. My brother says it's their insecurity. I believe him. They are so fucking clueless that they just get so frustrated with their staff. She left a message on my machine saying "so are you going to quit, tell the supervisor if you are so we can terminate you." This is on my machine. So, to make her prediction ring true, I never called her back and last week I received a letter of my termination. Alleluia, I'm free at last. Free from the fucking stupid boss. LOL

My present boss is an African American lady that is soft spoken and is genuinely nice. My district manager is a white lady that is available for anything 24 hrs a day. I am just a phone call away. All her nurses have her cell phone. Now, no filipino manager has ever given me her/his cell phone number. If I have a problem, I usually have an issue or I need to deal with that by myself. I was even refered to the employee assitance program. They don't know how to handle/help their nurses. What bad examples of nursing management.

I you have a nice nursing manager, thank your lucky stars. If she is filipino, you are even luckier. I'd say you just won the lotto. Keep that manager, feed her/him with nourishing and fat free food. You don't want her of dying of a heart attack or stroke. LOL

Am I knocking filipino nursing leadership, no. I'm just writing about my experience. I had supervisor who was concerned about my health. She made a mistake of thinking out loud. She said I'll be her project. LOL I reported her to the human resources with another nurse as witness. The HR called her and she apologized. She tried to be the ICU manager but the nurses their ate her alive. She is now back to supervisor of the step down unit. LOL Anther funny thing about her is that her reputation preceeds her. People form other hospitals work at my hospital so they know her and they hate her. LOL THey said she is a backs tabber. Okay it's not just me reporting now, other nurses are telling me this.

AH, enough of this thoughts. Time to think the nice positive thought that will attract other positive things. Like charges attract each other. That's the law of attitude.

Rest in peace uncle.

We had a funeral for my uncle Pablo today. My brother came in from the Bay area yesterday and I picked him up from the airport. My uncle was a husband, father, grandfather, great grandfather, a teacher, and a devoute Catholic. He helped 5 people to go to college in the Phil., adopted a couple of kids as his own, and bought an organ for his church in the Phil. through donations. He joined the US Air Force as a 1st Sargeant in the 1940's. He survived the Bataan Death March during the Japanese occupation of the Phil. Now that is a full life..

He was a man of few words. Always smiling and grateful you showed up to one of his wife's or kids' parties. He and his wife was worried that we will not come to visit them again after the death of my father. He and my dad were very close cousins. My mom made sure that we show up everytime they have a gathering. We don't speak their dilect but we spoke english and everything is good. We ate everything they cook because dad made sure we are familiar with Ilocano cooking.

I can't make it to the night time dinner today as I'm working tomorrow and I only had a few hours sleep last night. I'm beat.

To change the subject. My boss called and left a message on my machine. I need to make sure I call her if I call in sick and not leave a message on their answering machine. Okay, next time they should tell me things before it happens. I guess they are still learning and everybody is still trying to organize the whole system. I was kinda worried that I pissed her off but it won't bother me. Not my job to train my self of their rules.

My sister was in the funeral too. She brought me a piece of artwork for my entrance at home. It's a painting of koi fish in a pond. Feng shui is practiced by me and my siblings, or atleast we try. We are no experts but consult books written by hopefully feng shui masters.

That's it for now.

It's all good.

It seems like there is no one hiring at this time of the year. No word from any of the places I applied to. I just have to keep waiting.

My dialysis machine broke down this morning. Actually, it just acted up like it didn't want to go to work so I replaced it. I lost an hour troubleshooting and replacing it with another one. I learned something though, the machine needs to run so the alarm will go away. My instructor showed it to me but didn't explain it. Some teachers are demostrators and not explainers. If that makes sense.

I talked to the other nurses at the hospital and they are really cool and friendly. I work with them directly with the patient's care but I'm a contract worker and not part of the hospital staff. I left my machine and my patient within eye and ear's length. Nope, I'm not abondaning my patient for a minute. Going to the bathroom requires me to tell the patient's nurse where I'm going and that I'm planning to return. That always gets a smile.

Yesterday I worked for 15 hours. I guess we are short of nurses for that day. I was amazed at how the day went so smoothly. No machine breakdowns and access problems. All my patient sticks (meaning sticking the fistula or graphs with a big ass needle) all worked. The day was long
but that's how this business is done. I just have to be positive about my attitude and everything else will follow. If things (shit) hits the fan, I just walk out. Take deep breaths, wipe the copious amounts of sweat from my brow and arms and finish the job. I think that there are harder jobs on this earth. Like what you say? Well, there is being a soldier in Bagdhad, garbage collector, firefighter on a highrise fire, and the list goes on. My job ain't that bad.

I made sure that I ate a meal evey 4-5 hours. This prevents me from having a fit. Oh yeah, I guess if I'm hungry and frustrated my temper gets worst.

Okay, I'm reading one of the classic self help books by Napoleon Hill. I talks about PMA, positive mental attitude. By thinking positive you attract positive things around you. It's a change of perspective for me and it starts to work in amazing ways. That's for another blog.

Day off, looking for a job.

A nursing registry I wanted to sign on to requires a list of paper work and medical clearance. I thought about going to a doctor and get the proper medical clearance. First, I need to call the company if they will pay for the clearance but they don't. I really don't want to pay for this service so I went to my old work place and seek out one of the doctor's I eally know and once told me to call him if I need anything.

It's good I got there in time for he was about to leave. He wrote me a letter and ordered lab works that will cover the clearance requirements. He is really nice and the gamble paid off. Positive mental attitude really works.

After the doctor thing I went ahead to sign up and drove to Garden Grove. On the way I decided to call and check out the intersection. Well, the office is open by appointent only. I called earlier and the gal on the other line didn't mention this fact. I was really disappointed. I decided to drive to Glendale but on the way there the weather got eal sour and I decided to cut my loses and just go home. Atleast I still have the medical clearance.

Tomorrow will be a long day as I was assigned three patients. It's okay I can use some money. It will be another 16 hour day. Think positive, atleast I'm not home feeling sorry for myself being in this low paying job. I kinda did that today so I went and took a nap. No use sulking. I was cold and I feel really lazy anyway.

I'm presently looking at how to do a business plan. I need it to steer myself in the right way to success. No plan means no place to go.

I need to work out more. It's been a week now. I'm still playing with my total gym. It's better than nothing I guess. I'm gaining back the weight I lost from not eating in those long 16 hour days at work. I need to eat right. Vegetables, yuck.

Back to work.

Monday again and it sure was raining out there. It's a nice change. Weird, I'm liking the rain. Maybe a prelude about getting ready to move to the Bay area? Maybe, I'm ready for a change. It seems like where I'm living has worn out it appeal. Hey who's complaining? I have a big enough home here to shelter a 5 member family. BUT... yup there is a big BUT. I live alone and this house is engulfing me alive. I've lost the zest of keeping up with the upgrades. It's not as if I even started. I had it painted and built a walk on the side. No big thing.

Work was not so bad. Just an asshole of a patient who blames eveybody for his ills. Sucker. Biggest loser I've ever seen. Everybody took care of him and he doesn't trust anyone. He questions all the good people's intention. I don't like people like him.

This nursing job is depressing me. You would think the patients I am taking care of can still be productive members of society. NOOOOOT! These are folks disabled by disease processes. They can be young or old but most are not able to be productive. One even enjoys the welfare that he gets from the gov't. He makes more by being disabled. It makes me sick just listening to all this crap. I can't comment. I have to maintain my professional demeanor. I want to slap the shit out of this low life scum. Rapid slap therapy. RST. LOL

Why do we do dialysis to patients who are on ventilators, doesn't repond to any stimuli (comatose), and being fed by a tube to his intestines? We treat our pets better than our loved ones. Talking about a lab experiment. This dude is infected with MRSA and VRE. Methycilline resistant staph aureas and Vancomycin resistant enterococci. It's like dropping a 40 megaton thermonuclear bomb on a city and the city survives! Mother of nature! Why are we breeding bacteria in this people's bodies?

Ah, I hate it when I have more questions than answers. It gives ma a headache. Remember, I'm just a nurse. I don't have an advance professional degree. Any question with no answer overworks my below average brain. I have the intelligence of a wind up doll. I can repeat tasks but not be creative enough to deviate from the task. LOL I love it. If I deviate, I panic. I like straight forward, clear cut black and white type of things. No one million shades of gray. Arrgh. Too complex for my below average brain.

I better shut up now.

Weekend off.

I had a great weekend with a friend last night. We talked about the dismal state of our profession. He's a middle school teacher and I'm a nurse.

I told him that I toyed with the thought of being a teacher and was dissuaded by the fact that I need to take home work. Checking homeworks and exams when I did tutoring work for the LA Unified School District is still fresh in my mind. He told me that there is some work to be done at home but he uses teacher's aide. These are some of the student who wants to help the teacher. I don't think they are paid but there has to be some incentive to do this for a teacher. I don't remember doing it when I was in middle school. Then again I went to school in the Phil.

He explained to me the inner workings of a school system. It was interesting. Principals are commonly fired if they don't perform. There are landmark goals that needs to be met. After a few years of poor school performance the principal is fired. Since there is a shortage of principals, they just apply for a job and if you know a school superintendent, then you get hired. I also thought that principal have PhD. Teachers shoe gets PhD end up in academia and those who turns up as school superintendent have EdD. Doctor of education. They are well equipped to run school district. Interesting. Superintendents are hired by the school board. Elected officials whose roles are running the whole school district. The politics of it all is mind numbing. Sealing the fate that I will never want to be a teacher. Screw it.

Being a teacher is not easy. Moving from one school district requires one to start over from the buttom of the pay scale. This penalty discourage this practice. I can't imagine it happening to me. I will be so trapped in a school where I'll be so unhappy. I've moved to so many hospital looking for that right "feel and formula" where nurses and adminitrators exist in harmony. No such place exist. After changing to dialysis nursing, I can see the workings of a hospital/facility from another angle.

At huge medical centers, there are a lot of bickering, fighting, and disagreements between supervision and ther nursing staff. It takes forever to do anything. In smaller hospitals, there seems to be a lot more acceptance of the nurse's role and they just do what they have to do. Things are done in a blink of an eye. No back talking, no complaining, no bullshit. Unbelievable. In my search to my nirvana, I found that smaller hospitals are better in serving it's customers. Larger hospitals seem to have more wheels and devices that needs to be moved before results are seen. Interesting. I've alway shun away from smaller hospitals because they have no unions and the belief that conditions will be worst. Man, am I wrong.This further encourages me to keep up with the photography business.

New life??

I don't know if I will ever be happy in life. I guess it's all compromise and being satisfied with whatever that compromise will be. Several options have presented itself and I have explored them to various levels of enthusiasm.

My younger brother asked me what I really want. Man, that's a motherload of a question. It's like asking what is the meaning of my life. I don't know. I do have dreams. One of them is to have a series of studios along southern california (the goal is world domination of course). I'm on my yatch (just like Tiger Woods') with my model girlfriend(s), while the wheels of digital photography is making money for me.

To get there I need to crawl on my four limbs and learn how to get there. I have 5 years and I today is my start date. I will give up working a second nursing job and concentrate on the photography. The competition are experienced well established businesses within my area. The challenge is to beat them to a pulp and take over their business prospects. It looks tough but it has more chances of succeeding versus winning the Lotto.

Presently, I have this low paying job doing dialysis nursing. The good thing about it is I'm independent. It doesn't have the hangups of a regular nursing job. I can go to work anytime, I don't have several bosses at a time, and there is very little politics. The big thing is there is very little physical work involved. I guess I can live with the small pay for now.

I need to get to a different plane of thought and existence with this job. Most people will chase the high paying jobs. I believe that once in a life time we need to do a job that doesn't pay well but serves a lot of good. Service to mankind. I've made a little chunk with my former job but I was unhappy, got sick with hypertension, hated a lot of people and some people hated me. Who needs that?

I'm in peace now if I look at it that way. I think I'm in a crossroads where I'm steering my life towards something that I really like. Photography.

Isa na namang araw ng pagsasanay.

Training na naman ngayon. Pano, yung tinuturo nila sa amin ay hindi nagagamit kaya madaling makalimutan. Mabuti't nagpunta ako at nakausap ko ang ibang nars na katrabaho ko. Pareho ang aming mga karanasan. Siraing mga makina, magulong pamamalakad ng mga amo, mahabang oras ng trabaho, at mababang suweldo. Naghahanap narin sila ng trabaho katulad ko. Pati kulunggan ay inaaplayan. Maganda raw ang benefits sa County Jail. LOL.

Wala pang suwerte sa paghahanap ng trabaho. Blanko na naman ang answering machine. Wala pang sumasagot sa mga applikasyong pinadala ko noong isang linggo.

Malapit na ang pasko at mukhang walang panggimik. Okay lang kung medyo malabnaw ang pasko. Ang importante ay matatag ang selebrasyon sa kaarawan ni Kristo.

Bagong araw.

Natapos na naman ang isang araw sa trabaho. Isa ito sa mga magandang araw. Walang nasirang makina. Natapos sa sampung oras and dalawang pasyente. Nagapag-break pa ako ng 15 minutos. Masaya akong umuwi. Ng nasa parking lot na ako ay hindi tumimbre ang alarma ng kotse. Sinilip ko ang switch ng ilaw, naka-on. Naubos and karga ng baterya. Pumasok ako sa loob at tinanong ko ang guwardya kung meron siyang pang"jump". Ah, meron daw. Mabutit handa siya. Kung tatawag ako ng triple A ay aabutin ng isang oras bago sila sumulpot.

Sana'y ganito araw-araw. Pero hindi ko iibahin ang plano kong makahanap ng mas maiging trabaho. Nagaplay ako kagabi sa isang website para sa nars at kaagad sumagot ang kompanya. Tumawag dito sa bahay. Nag-fax siya ng isang listahan ng mga kailangan papeles. Walang problema. Halos lahat meron ako. Kailangan ng doctor's letter para clearance na healthy daw ako. Madaling kunin yun. Hanggang sa susunod. Ingat kayo.

Karugtong...

Matagal na rin akong hindi nakapag-blog. Na tapos na ang aking pagaaral ng dialysis. Mahigit na ring isang buwan akong nagiisang nagtratrabaho. Para paikliin and mahaba't boring na istorya, hindi para sa akin and dialysis narsing.

Unang una, hindi totoo ang suweldong pinangako sa akin. Medyo feel ko na nadaya ako. Pangalawa, madalas masira ang mga makina sa trabaho at inaabot ako ng isang katerbang oras para matapos ang aking gawain.

Nagkalat na ako uli ng resume at aplikasyon ng trabaho sa mga ospital na malapit sa bahay. May kamahalan ang gasolina at medyo laspag na ang aking kotse kaya mas magaling kung malapit lang sa bahay ang trabaho.

Maiiba ng usapan. Nagpunta ako sa dentista kaninang umaga at $700 and singil sa root kanal ant krown. Nagpalit ako ng dentista agad. Hindi sa tsipo ako, asshole ang napili kong dentista. Tumawag ako sa tiga siguro ko at puwede raw magpalit ng dentista kaagad. Hindi na kailangang magintay ng isang buwan. Okay ang insurance company ko. Ang talo lang any mataas ang co-pay ko. Yun bang out of pocket cost na tinatawag nila. Mukhang wala akong mabibili sa paskong ito. Hmm, libro na lang uli ang ibibigay ko sa mga utol ko. Okay yun ng matutong magbasa. LOL

Kailangan busy ang buhay ko kundi na-dedepress lang ako sa katayuan ng trabaho ko. Okay naman ang buhay nakakabayad pa ng utang. Medyo tagilid lang ang savings sa taong ito.

O, tepok na si Superman. May pagka asshole daw iyon noong araw. Kaya ayon tinamaan ng lintek, naghirap tuloy. Matindi ring paghihirap ang dinanas ni superman. naka tracheostomy at portable ventilator. Bad karma talaga ang inabot niya.